Tea: a how-to guide

I drink a lot of tea and since my plan to train my dog to make the tea failed dramatically (Eau-de-singed-labrador, a new frangrance for winter) I have had plenty of practice at making the perfect cup.

Now, most tea drinkers would have you believe that all you need is a teabag and some hot water. But this is simply not the case. The perfect cup of tea requires time, a good cup, decent milk and dare I say, a little something extra.

1) Boil the water. And when I say boil I mean boil. Bubbles, shrieking kettle, piping hot water.

2) Get your favourite mug. Inspect for cracks and any flakes of whatever that might mar the tea experience. Be sure to purge mug of ALL dog hair. That shit sticks.

3) Get a teabag.

4) Place the teabag into the cup.

5) Now this is where the little something extra comes in - pour the required amount of milk over the teabag. You must put the milk in first. Don't believe me? Try putting the milk in afterwards and you will have disgusting overstrong manky tea. The milk is not a cooling down aid as some would have you believe. The milk is a requisite part of the tea flavour.

6) Pour boiling (BOILING) water over teabag and milk.

7) Stir with teaspoon, squeezing carefully. You want it strong but not disgusting.

8) Discard teabag

9) Drink the perfect cup of tea.

So remember: milk first, no sugar and purge of dog hair. Yum.

PATTOTE - Better living through the perfect cup.