Tales from The Nephew's world

I spent my holiday last week taking care of the ever more precocious Nephew. He was in fine form - everything was either amazing, terrible, heartbreaking or boring. No middle ground with this kid. I enjoyed it, but man am I knackered.

Some gems included us going on "a bear hunt". Cue Auntie Elize's flat rendition of Teddy Bears' Picnic, which had to be sung multiple times. Then I tried to get him turned around so we could get home, and had to pretend to see a bear wearing trousers and a hat disappearing into the distance.

"NO, Auntie Elize, my sense of direction says the bear when that way," he answered, pointing in the direction he wants to go in. No, no, no, I say, my sense of direction says he really did go round the corner towards home. Eventually he agreed and I mumbled: "I've got your sense of direction right here." "No! Give it back! I need my sense of direction."

We then went to The Parents' place, so he got to hold my ipod and skip the songs he didn't like (all of them). But then he got to Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries, which he immediately fell in love with. "Let's listen to that scary song again. I like scary songs. Where's the scary song? Is there a scary person in the scary song? On the television, there's a scary person in the scary movie. Let's listen to the scary song. Oh, that's very scary. I like being scared. I can't hear the scary song. Make it loud! No that's too loud. Oh, the scary song is done, let's listen to it again."

On the way to The Parent's place in Reading, you have to cross a teeny little toll bridge over the Thames, in a town called Pangbourne (it's gorgeous there). Anyway, I couldn't find my wallet and I didn't have the 40p toll loose with me, so the woman let me through. I told her I'd pay double when I came back through (and which I did).

"Auntie Elize! You didn't pay the lady! That's wrong, you were supposed to give the lady the money! Why didn't you give her the money?"

Then, when he saw The Father: "Hi Papa! Auntie Elize didn't pay! That's wrong, isn't it?"

Tattle-tailing little brat.