I spend an inordinate amount of time explaining to people who feel like they have the right to ask, why I'm not married. Not not married yet, not married.
So I rather enjoyed this article from Jezebel (oh Jezebel, if only you were a little more consistently awesome, rather than so uneven): Ten very good reasons why you're not married.
My particular good reasons are summarised by 'You are focused on your career' and 'You have got a life and friends you are happy with'. And possibly a little of 'You have got standards', but my standard is usually 'hasn't been offered a good enough argument by [Interesting Hypothetical Guy] that changing the way I live my life is worth it'. And it would have to be a super argument. A really good one. With powerpoint slides and maybe a song.
4 comments:
It astonishes me that people ask that question. I mean, apart from it being intrusive, there are only two possible answers (as with, "Why don't you have kids?"): Either you don't want to, or you'd like to but it hasn't happened yet for reasons beyond your control. What kind of response are they expecting?
I dig the Jezebel article. I think they could have expanded a little on "You're Not Monogamous" (non-monogamous =/= cheating, and some people are upfront about the fact that they just aren't wired for a monogamous relationship), and the line at the end about being an atheist didn't really ring true. Lots of atheists still want to mark their commitment in front of their communities, and some religious folks don't.
But apart from that, it was very solid. I think my reasons are pretty much the same as yours (with "focused on your career", in my case, also including, "not living/meeting people where you're probably going to live long-term"), but for me, it's also #10 - I'm just not into the idea. I think standards and liking your life the way it is go hand in hand, incidentally: if you like your life, you won't be too desperate for a change to wait for someone you actually like.
But did you read the Tracy McMillan article they linked to? SCARY AS SHIT. She paints marriage as such a grim institution, something women SHOULD do even though there doesn't seem to be anything in it for them, that I'm surprised anyone came away from that article still wanting to be married! (Not too surprising, since she herself was married three times - the first time at 19 and the last time to a man she describes as "a liar" - and she seems to count that as a successful record of picking men who were willing to commit. As opposed to, you know, a series of relationships that didn't work out in the long run.)
P.S. - I will be sure to recommend powerpoint slides and a song to any (worthwhile) gentleman who is endevouring to win your hand. Provided he promises to tape it.
That Tracy McMillan article made me retch. I couldn't figure out if she was being sarcastic or not, but the whole 'you're shallow' and 'you're selfish' thing pissed me off.
I know, right? I'd like to think she was being sarcastic, but WOW.
Honestly, though, I think it was so stupid that I kind of went through pissed and out the other side. The "shallow" section was just straight-up logic!fail: men of character exist; one of the hallmarks of men of character is that they want to commit (which I kind of question - what, from the time they're very young? In all their relationships? If you date someone casually, you're a bad person?); therefore, if you are not in a committed relationship, you must not reeeeally be looking for a man of character. Because they are clearly standing on every streetcorner with big sandwich signs saying "Get Your Men of Character Here", and also, because all criteria beyond "good person" (including shared interests or compatible personalities) are inherently shallow.
But the "selfish" section was mindboggling, especially when she gets to the bit where children make you less selfish, so you should have a child in order to land a man. Selfless! And because single moms are always talking about how easy it is to date with a young child!
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