Me (sitting down at my desk with a cup of coffee): Right, now I can review the book I’ve been trying to review all week!
English course that needs to be reviewed tomorrow pipes up: No, no, me first, me first.
Me: Buzz off, I need to finish this and then I’ll get to you…
Science course that needs to be reviewed by tomorrow pipes up: No, no, not him. Me! You need to pay attention to me! I’m more important!
Me: But you’ll only take 15 minutes which I don’t have right now but will have tomorrow. Now, shut up, I’m concentrating.
Schedule: Are you sure you don’t want to review me first? I mean, you’re going to lose track if you don’t update me.
Me: Stop with the distractions and let me finish this before I do lose track.
Emails: I’m an email! Yay! Pay attention to me! Wooohooo! I’m an email!
Phone: I never ring, but today I’m going to ring. Ringringringringringring.
Boss: I’m on holiday today but before I went I offloaded a bunch of ideas on your desk, which I’m sure you’ll be super excited about. They’re due next week. Yay! I’m on holiday!
Developers: We’re sitting on our hands doing fuck all so you don’t have to!
Meetings: We’re determined to keep you away from your desk for as long as possible. You can just think about all the stuff you have to do instead of actually doing it.
Dishes: It’s ok, ignore us, we’re just piling up collecting mould.
Washing: We’re happy here on the floor. At least we’re clean. Well, we think we’re clean.
Hamster (distorted by sawdust): Mmmmffffffff! Mmmmmfffff!
Bank account (emptily): I have nothing.
MA: Thought you’d lost me?! Well I’m still here! And you have 6500 words to make up, you here. Better get cracking.
Other boss: All right?
Me: Oh yes. Just peachy. Might need another coffee though.