Beside myself

Or, I should be beside myself, that is, outside of myself, that is, separating myself from my emotional reaction. What choo' talkin' 'bout, Liz?

The biggest disagreement my Zen-Like Friend and I have about Zen-like things is my determined position that to be detached from our emotions isn't honest, that we're shortchanging ourselves from the human experience when we say we want to be outside of our feelings.

But I'm starting to wonder if there isn't more of a place for that, and I'm thinking particularly in work situations. I mean, I'm not saying that I'm going around at the moment inflicting my emotions on everyone. But earlier this week someone sent me an email that I thought was unfair. I told my boss what I thought, she agreed, and then I made a further comment, which she said was me being sensitive.

Which is fair comment from her. I am over sensitive. I'm hypercritical of myself, so external criticism, no matter how oblique, is hard for me to take. I do try not to let it take over my brain.

What she means by sensitive is emotional - I react to work situations in an emotional way, which is not appropriate. I'm not crying or snapping or anything. But I'm coming to realise that when you allow an emotional reaction to take over from a logical reaction, you're also opening the door to a situation where you could start ascribing unfair motives to people's actions, or feeling resentful about a meeting, or, or, or. Whether you like it or not, emotional responses are messy. And no, you're not necessarily going to inflict your emotions on people, but allowing the reaction means that you're making it easier for that to happen.

There has to be a middle ground. I have to be able to be honest with myself, and experience my emotions, without it affecting my work. I should be professional, and professionalism is detached. There is only the work, and getting that work done to the absolute best of my ability, to a high standard, on time, to deadline. That's what matters. Not the fact that one of my co-workers drives me batty at every opportunity. Her I can experience emotionally when I get home.