The family that watches cricket together, stays at each other's throats until the end of the World Cup

This morning, this little gem from The Sister's Fiancé arrived in my inbox:

---- Original Message -----
From: The Sister's Fiancé
To: Elizabeth Ellis
Subject: BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Elize,

I have just seen this important information on the web and wanted
to let you know.

A report released today has intensified the procedure for South
Africans to obtain status in the United Kingdom. People wanting to come across have to pledge allegiance to queen and country. However, a leaked document has come to light that has changed the script in the pledge below:

I________pledge allegiance to Queen Elizabeth and the country of Great
Britain, I promise to uphold the law and respect the country and if
called upon will defend the country with my life.
I also promise to respect and idolise all of the British people and show
the utmost respect to all of the sports heros of my new country
including the person who gracefully became a British citizen and
proceeded to knock South Africa out of the 2007 cricket world cup Kevin
Pietersen. (bold mine)

All people unwilling to adhere to this will not be allowed access to the
united kingdom.

(BETTER START SUCKING UP ELLIS)

Of course, I had to set the record straight. Thank goodness I spotted this on the net.

Story from News19.com 16/04/2007

PRETORIA - The British High Commissioner for Southern Africa, Wouter Wortelvanvoren, addressed the sporting media this morning on claims that the treasonous batsman Kevin Pietersen had his UK citizenship revoked for being a prat.

"He's a doos," said Mr Wortelvanvoren, "and quite frankly we can't wait to get rid of him."

The mediocre batsman has previously come under heavy fire for his ridiculous hairstyles, his fake English accent, his habit of feeling himself up in the crease and political grandstanding about not being picked for the Proteas because of transformation *coff*bullshit*coff*.

The idiot, I mean, Pietersen, is in the process of being deported, said Mr Wortelvanvoren. Unfortunately, he is unqualified to join the Proteas at this stage.

"Where would we put him?" asked convener of selecters Haroon Longaat. "He's not worthy of picking up the used boxes after the game, and we already have someone who licks Jacques Kallis' arse."

Pietersen has accordingly been offered a place as the person who changes the scoreboard in the little town of Fuckoffandvrekfontein on the Lesotho border.

PATTOTE: Better living through calling skunk-headed mediocre batsman an idiot in two languages.