The End of the Beginning

My days at work are numbered, as are my days with internet access. I'm hoping to keep posting in Mozambique, but I might also take a little hiatus, so check back in a month.

I'm really excited about leaving, but a little sad as well. I felt the same when I left Rhodes. This is a concrete end to one part of my life, and the beginning of another. It would be wrong if I wasn't a bit sad.

But I will miss Cape Town. I'll miss:

The Mountain, and its serenity, its steadfastness, its ability to keep me going in the right direction. Seriously - no matter what city I'm in, I automatically search the skyline for a familiar landmass to orientate myself by. Without the mountain I have no idea what direction I'm facing. I forsee much getting lost in my future.

Butler's Pizza, the i-ching of pizza. You can keep your Debonairs, your Scooters. Give me a standard olive, salami, garlic and avo guacamole, the hottie delivery guy and check back in the morning.

The trains, although they might be late. I'll miss the hawkers with their "chipsy, juicy, spookies" and the evangelists; the one on the way home who likes to talk about burning in hell, a lot, and the one on the way in who calls everyone beloved. The policemen who travel in packs of five, taking free rides but not actually keeping an eye on anything. The two guide dogs who carefully conceal themselves under the seats but can't resist sniffing at every passerby, even if they are "professional animals".

Stardust. Theatrical dining. Brilliant margaritas. Best birthday ever.

The flower sellers on Adderley street, who look like they come from a previous century.

Newlands cricket stadium. The sight of the pitch still gives me a thrill and makes me think of my first game there with The Father - Brian Lara out for a duck; Jacques Kallis scoring a century.

Driving to Simon's Town along the coast, with the mountain climbing steeply on one side and the sea rough on the other. The lovely old Victorian mansions and tiny fishermen's cottage. I won't miss the hordes of tourists though.

Swimming of Boulder's Beach with the penguins shooting through the water nearby.

The seals chilling on their platforms at the waterfront, and yelling at each other when someone tramples on a flipper.

The view of the city from De Waal drive, especially at night. The lights are so beautiful.

The waterfall in Cecilia Plantation.

Going to build houses and getting covered in cement

Taxis and all the hilarity associated with them. The guards, many of whom appear to be stoned. Being tightly packed between two huge people while travelling at 100km an hour in rush hour traffic. Being nominated as the person who makes change when the guard buggers off to parts unknown. Holding a complete stranger's bag of frozen chicken on your lap to make more room.

Hearing English, Afrikaans, Swahili, French, Xhosa and German, all in one trip to work.

Seeing Table Moutain from the window of the plane and feeling a lurch, because this home and always will be.

A Movie Meme

This was stolen from Stewart on Facebook.

Supposedly, if you have seen more than 85 films, you have no life. There are 239 films on this list. Copy this list, go to your own facebook account, paste this as a note. Then, put x's next to the films you've seen, add them up, change the header adding your number, and click post at the bottom. Have fun.

(X) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(X) Grease
(X) Pirates of the Caribbean
(X) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
( ) Boondock Saints
(X) Fight Club
(X) Starsky and Hutch
(X) Neverending Story
( ) Blazing Saddles
( ) Airplane

Total: 7

(X) The Princess Bride
(X) Anchor Man
(X) Napoleon Dynamite
(X) Labyrinth
( ) Saw
( ) Saw II
( ) White Noise
(X) White Oleander
(X) Anger Management
(X) 50 First Dates
(X) The Princess Diaries
(X) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement

Total so far: 16

(X) Scream
( ) Scream 2
(X) Scream 3
( ) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 2
( ) Scary Movie 3
( ) Scary Movie 4
(X) American Pie
(X) American Pie 2
(X) American Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp

Total so far: 21

(X) Harry Potter 1
(X) Harry Potter 2
(X) Harry Potter 3
(X) Harry Potter 4
( ) Resident Evil 1
( ) Resident Evil 2
(X) The Wedding Singer
(X) Little Black Book
(X) The Village
(X) Lilo & Stitch

Total so far: 29

(X) Finding Nemo
(X) Finding Neverland
(X) Signs
(X) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
( ) White Chicks
( ) Butterfly Effect
(X) 13 Going on 30
(X) I, Robot
( ) Robots

Total so far: 35

( ) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
( ) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(X) Along Came Polly
( ) Deep Impact
( ) KingPin
(X) Never Been Kissed
(X) Meet The Parents
( ) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) Joe Dirt
( ) KING KONG

Total so far: 38

(X) A Cinderella Story
(X) The Terminal
(X) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(X) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
( ) Halloween
( ) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving X-MAS
( ) Flubber

Total so far: 42

(X) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
(X) Practical Magic
(X) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
(X) Hellboy
( ) Secret Window
(X) I Am Sam
( ) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards

Total so far: 47

(X) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
(X) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
(X) Gothika
( ) Nightmare on Elm Street
( ) Sixteen Candles
(X) Remember the Titans
(X) Coach Carter
( ) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
(X) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask

Total so far: 53

( ) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number Slevin
(X) Ocean's Eleven
( ) Ocean's Twelve
(X) Bourne Identity
(X) Bourne Supremecy
( ) Lone Star
(X) Bedazzled
( ) Predator I
( ) Predator II
( ) The Fog
(X) Ice Age
( ) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George

Total so far: 58

(X) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(X) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Bosses Daughter
(X) Maid in Manhattan
(X) War of the Worlds
( ) Rush Hour
( ) Rush Hour 2

Total so far: 62

( ) Best Bet
(X) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(X) She's All That
(X) Calendar Girls
(X) Sideways
(X) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
(X) Ever After
( ) Wizard of Oz
(X) Forrest Gump
( ) Big Trouble in Little China
(X) The Terminator
(X) The Terminator 2
(X) The Terminator 3

Total so far: 72

(X) X-Men
(X) X-2
(X) X-3
(X) Spider-Man
(X) Spider-Man 2
( ) Sky High
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
( ) Catch Me If You Can
(X) The Little Mermaid
(X) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of Fire
(X) The Skulls
(X) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
(X) The Hot Chick
(X) Shrek
(X) Shrek 2

Total so far: 84

( ) Swimfan
(X) Miracle on 34th street
( ) Old School
(X) The Notebook
(X) K-Pax
( ) Krippendorf's Tribe
(X) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
(X) The 40-year-old Virgin

Total so far: 89

(X) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(X) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(X) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(X) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(X) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(X) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Total so far: 95

( ) Baseketballs
( ) Hostel
( ) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
( ) Elf
( ) Highlander
( ) Mothman Prophecies
(X) American History X
( ) Three

Total so Far: 96

( ) The Jacket
( ) Kung Fu Hustle
( ) Shaolin Soccer
( ) Night Watch
(X) Monsters Inc.
(X) Titanic
(X) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
( ) Shaun Of the Dead
( ) Willard

Total so far: 99

( ) High Tension
( ) Club Dread
( ) Hulk
( ) Dawn Of the Dead
(X) Hook
(X) Chronicles Of Narnia The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
(X) 28 days later
( ) Orgazmo
( ) Phantasm
( ) Waterworld

Total so far: 102

(X) Kill Bill vol 1
(X) Kill Bill vol 2
( ) Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
(X) Kingdom of Heaven
( ) the Hills Have Eyes
( ) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
( ) The Last House on the Left
( ) Re-Animator
( ) Army of Darkness

Total so far: 105

(X) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(X) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(X) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(X) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(X) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(X) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor

Total so far: 111 (raises feet for a nelson)

(X) The Matrix
(X) The Matrix Reloaded
(X) The Matrix Revolutions
( ) Animatrix
( ) Evil Dead
( ) Evil Dead 2
( ) Team America: World Police
(X) Red Dragon
(X) Silence of the Lambs
(X) Hannibal

Total so far: 117

I've seen 117 of these movies

Yup, no life. But I knew that already. I take issue with this list though. There's too high a proportion of horror/thriller types, so not really fair.

The family that watches cricket together, stays at each other's throats until the end of the World Cup

This morning, this little gem from The Sister's Fiancé arrived in my inbox:

---- Original Message -----
From: The Sister's Fiancé
To: Elizabeth Ellis
Subject: BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Elize,

I have just seen this important information on the web and wanted
to let you know.

A report released today has intensified the procedure for South
Africans to obtain status in the United Kingdom. People wanting to come across have to pledge allegiance to queen and country. However, a leaked document has come to light that has changed the script in the pledge below:

I________pledge allegiance to Queen Elizabeth and the country of Great
Britain, I promise to uphold the law and respect the country and if
called upon will defend the country with my life.
I also promise to respect and idolise all of the British people and show
the utmost respect to all of the sports heros of my new country
including the person who gracefully became a British citizen and
proceeded to knock South Africa out of the 2007 cricket world cup Kevin
Pietersen. (bold mine)

All people unwilling to adhere to this will not be allowed access to the
united kingdom.

(BETTER START SUCKING UP ELLIS)

Of course, I had to set the record straight. Thank goodness I spotted this on the net.

Story from News19.com 16/04/2007

PRETORIA - The British High Commissioner for Southern Africa, Wouter Wortelvanvoren, addressed the sporting media this morning on claims that the treasonous batsman Kevin Pietersen had his UK citizenship revoked for being a prat.

"He's a doos," said Mr Wortelvanvoren, "and quite frankly we can't wait to get rid of him."

The mediocre batsman has previously come under heavy fire for his ridiculous hairstyles, his fake English accent, his habit of feeling himself up in the crease and political grandstanding about not being picked for the Proteas because of transformation *coff*bullshit*coff*.

The idiot, I mean, Pietersen, is in the process of being deported, said Mr Wortelvanvoren. Unfortunately, he is unqualified to join the Proteas at this stage.

"Where would we put him?" asked convener of selecters Haroon Longaat. "He's not worthy of picking up the used boxes after the game, and we already have someone who licks Jacques Kallis' arse."

Pietersen has accordingly been offered a place as the person who changes the scoreboard in the little town of Fuckoffandvrekfontein on the Lesotho border.

PATTOTE: Better living through calling skunk-headed mediocre batsman an idiot in two languages.

How Bizarre

Just for laughs, check out these eccentricities.

Celebrate!

I'd say last night's game is cause for a snoopy dance. *snoopy dance*snoopy dance*snoopy dance*

Just an idea

Lately I've been asking myself what I really want to do with the rest of my life. I guess it's because I'm standing at the edge of a new beginning. So much of the life I lead now is one of circumstance. A happened so B was necessary and now I'm living with C.

But now, now I can decide for myself. But what exactly do I want to decide? I have a plan mapped out. Some of the details are a little murky still, but mostly I think I've found a goal.

Part of that goal is to "live off the land". I know, totally airy-fairy sounding. I promise I'm not about to join a cult or turn into a fruitarian or anything. But I would like to be self-sufficient. I'd like some land, enough space for a gorgeous garden (veggie and otherwise), a house I've restored myself, and to be partially dependent on what I produce.

I saw this really interesting book in Exclusive's the other day, A Guide to Self-Sufficiency, featuring everything from building a rabbit hutch to slaughtering a chicken. Oddly, I can theoretically cope with the idea of killing a chicken. But somehow I don't know if I could slaughter rabbits, ducks or, heaven forbid, a cow.

The plan needs some streamlining, but the Great Goat has a future in homesteading.

PATTOTE: Better living through a farm of my own.

Snarky Cricket Moment #4

In yesterday's tense encounter between England and Sri Lanka, I had a good giggle during an attempted run out of...someone. So sue me - the spotty pale faces all look alike. About five Sri Lankan fielders went racing to the wicket keeper's end, all aiming to kick the ball at the stumps. Bizarrely they all missed. And then milled around like cows who got lost on the way to pasture.

Another scene in a taxi

Picture the scene -a taxi stuffed to the gills with people, loud music echoing from the radio. All of a sudden, BoyzIIMen comes on. It's "I'll make Love to You", probably number 3 on the list of songs I hate with the fire of ten thousand suns. The driver starts to sing along. The guard belts out the chorus. Around the time they started harmonising I got the hell off.