I've been so scared and so hesitant in the last month or so. So nervous of actually committing to this whole project management deal, because if I start actually committing to it, then I'd actually have to start caring, and start doing, and start BEING a project manager. So I've been a little gun shy.
This week has been a good week. The pieces are starting to come together, and I'm starting to see the bigger picture. And I'm committing a bit more - I'm putting my name to things, and making decisions, and am willing to see them through. And I have staff, and I want them to do well. And I care about this department, and I want it to do well, and not run out of money.
And slowly but surely other bridges around me are burning, because it turns out there are reshuffles and rearrangements in the works that means that even if I do occasionally think wistfully about the job I left behind, that job mostly doesn't exist anymore. So I can ruefully look forward and give myself permission to immerse myself in this new deal.
But I reserve the right to whinge about my job, and worry come July about what will happen with my future.
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