Turning One

Curtis-the-Fetus is officially a year old today. He's a walking, grinning, trouble-making, tiny person now. A year old and he has a personality. A year old and he already has his own little quirks. A year old, with all the potential in the world. That makes me happy.

PATTOTE: Better living through the heir to all I survey and intend to own.

Unspoilt

It was an all-Harry Potter weekend. The Sister and I queued for the last installment and then raced to start reading. She admitted defeat at about 2am but I managed to finish it. I wanted to get it read before the end got leaked. I'm not going to go into it, because I'm waiting for The Best Friend to read it, but I really enjoyed it.

The movie, however, was not as great as it could have been. Prisoner of Azkaban remains victorious as far as I'm concerned.

I'm glad there are more movies to look forward to, cause otherwise the end of this wonderful, imaginative, heartbreaking series would be a lot worse.

Escape

There's something soothing about the world created in books, something comforting about the reality we inhabit while we read. Coming out of one of my recent reads, I found myself quite upset that my interlude with that other world was over. I know, I know, pick up another book and you're back in that other world almost immediately. But that's the thing, isn't it? Why the eagerness to constantly enter that other world? That other world is full of demons, monsters, horrible people and horrible situations, just like this one. That other world is full of funny situations, quirky people and brilliant inventions, just like this one. Reading is not really any kind if escape. It's more a suspension of present, a brief period of standing still, a much-loved and welcomed moment of peace. It's not what you're reading that matters, it's the act of reading that does.

Book Bargains

I ended up at a carboot over the weekend - one man's junk and all that. The quest to replace my lost treasures (my sorely missed collection of books) is well on its way.

I managed to find:

The Malory Towers series by Enid Blyton
The Lord of the Rings, The Silmarillion, The Hobbit, and Roverandom by JRR Tolkein
Notes on a Scandal by Zoe Heller
Third Girl by Agatha Christie
Swallows and Amazons by Arthur Ransome
King Solomon's Mines by H Rider Haggard
Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer
The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe by CS Lewis
My Friend Flicka by Mary O'Hara

PATTOTE: Better living through CHEAP books and the people who sell them.

The Tale of the Dead Duck

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your Duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," he replied.
"How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever.
As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments later with a cat.
The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£150!" she cried, "£150 just to tell me my duck is dead!!
The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you had taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan it comes to £150."

Words I like

Glum
Triskadeskaphobia
Coalesce
Acquiesce
Numbnuts
Vindictive

PATTOTE: Better living through trawling the dictionary for good words.

Accidents and Emergencies

The best part about sitting in casualty is the people. People have some fascinating problems, and they discuss them very openly in front of the twenty other people sitting on the hard benches or buying unhealthy stuff from the hospital vending machines. I just wish that they'd speak up a bit. I'm listening over here people. I'm trying to eavesdrop and you're not cooperating.

Yes you, lady with the blood on her sleeve and the bandaged arm, who looked like she'd come straight from a high-falutin' do, except for her truly crappy shoes. Or you, kiddie with the smashed nose. Your mother says you whacked yourself in the nose with a plank, but you look more like some bullies set on you after school and your mum is trying to cover up. And you, chickie with the hurt back, why were you telling your mother that they kept making you push it in, even though you didn't want to?

Enquiring minds want to know.

PATTOTE: There was another kid in there with a broken collar bone who claimed to have fallen off a mountain. There are no mountains in Reading.

Ahem

My new supervisor has Project Management for Dummies lying on her desk. That's like having a neurosurgeon read Nerves for Dummies right before an operation.

PATTOTE: Better living through Dictating for Dummies