How many NHS doctors does it take to do a lumbar puncture?

Three! But they were very good, and very nice, and hey, it didn't cost me anything.

PATTOTE: Better living through the national health service, apparantly

I'm very bad

How could I not have been to the cinema in two months? How! Where did my life go? Where!

There's a song in there somewhere.

I'm deeply ashamed.

PATTOTE: Better living through facing your failures

The Gum Thief

I've been reading this for a few months. This is unusual for me because I generally rip through every book I start. This one had me lingering though, and I've been trying to figure out why. I think it's because of the style. The story itself is more a little series of vignettes. The pace is incremental. Thousands of little thoughts all connected to the relationship between these people (in the novel, and in the novel inside the novel). I appreciated this style because that's really what we are - a thousand little thoughts connected to our relationship with the world.

I felt a lot while reading this. I was moved, confused, bored in some places and provoked in others. I'm glad I've discovered Douglas Coupland. Now to read the others.

Weird words

Ersatz: adj substitute, imitation (especially of inferior quality) n an ersatz thing (German, = replacement)

Pattote: Better living through ersatz, schadenfreude and other suitably suited German words

Peel me

Naartjie: A naartjie (Citrus reticulata, Citrus nobilis), or nartjie, is a soft loose-skinned South African citrus fruit. It is also known as a mandarin, satsuma or tangerine outside of South Africa.

This is what home tastes like.

The Secret River

I wasn’t sure what to expect from this book, but it was far better than I had anticipated. Brief synopsis – William grows up in London’s slums, is caught stealing and is sent with his family to the penal colony in Australia where they have to make a new life for themselves. But at what cost?

The story unfolds sombrely as William interacts with the local aborigine families, and the other white families who have settled on their land. Back home William craved respectability, hated the ‘gentry’ for the way they treated him, knowing that he deserved to be equal. Now, faced with the local inhabitants he taps into a vein of brutality that takes even him by surprise.

In Australia he is surrounded by two kinds of white people – those who have committed crimes but remain despicable people, and those who learned from their mistakes and are trying to get by amicably. The lowest of the low are also those who are most active in their hatred and mistreatment of the aborigines. They are certain of their prejudice, and it takes a violent and ugly form. Although some of William’s attitudes stem from ignorance, and are a sign of the times, his unwillingness to listen to and learn from the local inhabitants is tough to take.

I was reminded of that particular section of white people in South Africa, who are poor, uneducated and racist and all the more dangerous because of it. Their narrowness has been exploited by numerous governments and they have a sense of entitlement that stems from being the dregs. They have nothing but their delusions of supremacy and that makes them scary.

Up to the climax, what strikes you most about William is the fact that he carefully keeps his mouth shut. His fence-sitting makes the decision he ultimately needs to make even more shocking. I was left feeling that this man had a lot of potential but he succumbed to his darker side.

I dreaded the last part of this book because I knew that something terrible was going to happen. I was right.

Why...

do Marxists drink herbal tea?

Because proper tea is theft.

PATTOTE: Better living through Katie Fforde's crappy jokes

Food for thought

Somebody's sandwich was creating waves - it tasted shit and the owner was trying to pawn it off to hapless coworkers. Unsuccessfully, because he made the mistake of saying it tasted like shit. Not finding any takers, he threw it away. Four slices of bread, some kind of filling, with one bite taken out of it.

Nobody wanted it, and more importantly, there was no-one to give it to. And I thought, what a waste. But I didn't want the sandwich. If I had been at home I would have been able to give it to the nearest beggar, which is good. But it's wrong that there are so many I would have had to pick one. If I had found a beggar around here (they're around, just more carefully concealed), I would have been roundly abused for charity, which is bad. But it's good that there are fewer beggars. But it's bad that they're still around. But it's good that they're taken care of to the extent that they don't want a crummy sandwich. But it's bad that they're out there at all, why the hell won't they do something for themselves. But it's bad that they're being left to rot by the government a lot of the time. But it's good to give someone something to eat when they clearly need it But it's bad that they clearly need it.

Bloody sandwich.

Pattote: Better living through a liberal utopia, whenever that chooses to come along

Douglas Coupland looks good in coffee

Spilling coffee over The Gum Thief - that's what you call dramatic irony.

PATTOTE: Better living through rubbish bins, City of London, rubbish bins in which to throw away my empty coffee cup

Read it 2008

At right you will see a new addition to my page, an idea I pilfered shamelessly from some of the pages I visit. What is a blog without a list of books that have been read? Boring, I tell you. Dull! And if my not posting for the last month didn't lose me readers, this surely will. No, not really! Come back!

Anyway, as with all things in Liz's life, there are rules for the list.

1) Rereads don't count
2) I have to write something about each book as I finish it, even if it is just a virtual blech.
3) I don't have a third thing, but I thought only having two items would be sad.
4) Ending a list on an odd number is bad luck.

So, to the bookshelves!

PATTOTE: Get busy reading, get busy dying.

Don't you judge me!

I'm rereading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, my first reread since the marathon initial read the day the tome was published. That's right, people on the tube who looked at me in disgust for apparently only reading the final installment now, I've been reading it since the beginning! I am not coming late to Harry Potter! I was there in the beginning! THE BEGINNING!

Oh look, nice people in white coats.

These are two of my favourite things

Cricinfo compiled a list of famous authors who wrote about cricket. Click click

Laughing at the past

Why the 70s died an unnatural death.

Passenger action Part 2

From wikipedia:

"Most fatalities on the network are suicides. Most platforms at deep tube stations have pits beneath the track, originally constructed to aid drainage of water from the platforms, but they also help prevent death or serious injury when a passenger falls or jumps in front of a train and aid access to the unfortunate person.[15] These pits are officially called "anti-suicide pits", colloquially "suicide pits" or "dead man's trenches". Delays resulting from a person jumping or falling in front of a train as it pulls into a station are announced as a "unfortunate delay", "passenger action", "customer incident" or "a person under a train", and are referred to by staff as a "one under". London Underground has a specialist "Therapy Unit" to deal with drivers' post-traumatic stress, resulting from someone jumping under their train.
The Jubilee line extension is the first line to have platform edge doors. These prevent people from falling or jumping onto the tracks, but the main financial justification for their provision was to control station ventilation by restricting the 'piston-effect' of the moving air caused by the trains."

Well that answers that question.

Stolen Book Meme

(I stole this from Jennifer at Bibliotonic)

Take the nearest book next to you and answer the following questions:

Title and Author:
Sushi for Beginners by Marian Keyes

Is the book dedicated to anyone? If so, whom?
For Niall, Caitriona, Tadgh and Rita-Anne

What is the first sentence?
"Dammit," she realised. "I think I'm having a nervous breakdown."

Turn to page 47. Please share the first sentence of the first full paragraph.
"Ashling woke at twelve on Sunday, feeling rested and only mildly hungover."

Tic Tac Toe

I like challenging myself to the occasional game of noughts and crosses. It's not easy playing against yourself, after all, you have an inside tip on possibly strategy. But sometimes if you zone out just right, you beat yourself. And that's very satisfying in an existential, take that stupid left brain, I really should be working, kind of way.

What's orange and sounds like parrot?

A carrot.

Please don't kill me, I'm to pretty to die.

I think I'm on The Truman Show

Every morning I take a 10-minute walk from my front door to my bus stop. During that walk I will see (and in this particular order):

1) A skinny woman muffled up like a mummy, walking a skinny nervous black dog.

2) A kid on a bike, delivering papers.

3) A man who takes a walk around the block, then goes into a nearby house and emerges with an enormous and arthriticky golden retriever.

4) The retriever, who wees on the same spot every morning.

5) A beat up black station wagon.

6) My bus arriving.

Hmmm. In case I don't see you, good afternoon, good evening, and good night.

Elizabeth is...

creeped out by daylight savings!

The real Big Brother

And you call me paranoid?