A picture of the best Christmas present ever!
A list of my favourite books of 2006!
The Great Goat's hopes and dreams for 2007!
Random facts to help you face the apocolypse!
And a report from the newly freed Siska.
PATTOTE: Stay tuned...
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Shag, Marry or Kill...
or "Smok" is a game Der Fuhrer introduced me to. You pick three celebrities and you have to pick one to shag, one to marry and one to kill. It's hard enough when you realise that you're going to have to off Colin Firth in order to marry Hugh Jackman and shag John Cusack. But it gets nasty when you have to decide between three people like, um, Jack Black, Bill Cosby and Dudley Moore. Or when you have to pick between people you know. Tons of fun.
PATTOTE: Better living through mocking celebrities.
PATTOTE: Better living through mocking celebrities.
Friday, December 15, 2006
The Lowest Common Denominator...
...and how tabloids are perpetuating the existence of same.
I think people live up to expectations, so journalists and newspapers should expect more of them. Tabloids think their readers are dumb, so their readers expect the newspapers to be dumbed down. I'm not even talking about which celebrity is screwing around with which sheep. I'm talking about the crappy stories, the terrible headlines, the completely heinous crimes against grammar and punctuation, and, even worse, the ad hoc slanging about which brings two languages into disrepute.
The media has an obligation to audiences everywhere to be erudite and intelligent. When we start dumbing things down in a misguided attempt to access the "people", we are selling the "people" incredibly short. If people don't read newspapers because they're disinterested that's fine. I don't understand it, but let's just add that to the long list of things I don't understand. But aiming lower to up circulation is not the answer.
Of course, PATTOTE continues to acknowledge that people do idiotic things. But they should at least be well informed idiots.
I think people live up to expectations, so journalists and newspapers should expect more of them. Tabloids think their readers are dumb, so their readers expect the newspapers to be dumbed down. I'm not even talking about which celebrity is screwing around with which sheep. I'm talking about the crappy stories, the terrible headlines, the completely heinous crimes against grammar and punctuation, and, even worse, the ad hoc slanging about which brings two languages into disrepute.
The media has an obligation to audiences everywhere to be erudite and intelligent. When we start dumbing things down in a misguided attempt to access the "people", we are selling the "people" incredibly short. If people don't read newspapers because they're disinterested that's fine. I don't understand it, but let's just add that to the long list of things I don't understand. But aiming lower to up circulation is not the answer.
Of course, PATTOTE continues to acknowledge that people do idiotic things. But they should at least be well informed idiots.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Scene from a taxi
The Daily Voice is, to put it mildly, crap. It's one of a number of truly trashy tabloids (tm me) that have proliferated in Cape Town of late. it comes complete with page three girls, complete in their kaalgat glory.
So this morning on my way to work I noticed a guy with his (two, maybe three-year-old) son. Dad was trying to read the Voice. Kiddie was insistently pointing his finger at the naked girl. In fact, he was pointing so hard at the..erm...nippular area, I was surprised his finger didn't poke straight through the paper. What was going through his mind? Breakfast?
So this morning on my way to work I noticed a guy with his (two, maybe three-year-old) son. Dad was trying to read the Voice. Kiddie was insistently pointing his finger at the naked girl. In fact, he was pointing so hard at the..erm...nippular area, I was surprised his finger didn't poke straight through the paper. What was going through his mind? Breakfast?
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Dear Anonymous
Beansprout, I know who you are!
And it's S-P-O-O-N-E-R-I-S-E. Not "spoon and rise".
Now you get your update.
Love and kisses
Liz
And it's S-P-O-O-N-E-R-I-S-E. Not "spoon and rise".
Now you get your update.
Love and kisses
Liz
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Family Jokes
The Parents have finally come on board the information extra super hyper awesome highway and learnt about the beauties of IMing. Infinitely cheaper than smses and phonecalls, and you can drink a cup of tea, work and talk at the same time. Brilliant!
As fabulous as yapping on the phone is, there is such a sense of urgency to get all the vital information across the subtleties of family communication are somewhat lost. Writing allows those subtleties some space again. IM gives me the illusion of being in my parents living room, drinking tea and playing scrabble, falling about into hysterics with The Mother and The Sister while The Father looks on in annoyance trying to get us back into the game.
My family are great laughers/snorters/gigglers. The family in-jokes keep us laughing long after the jokes stopped being funny and bind us together in our own Ellis-oh-Elize-tried-to-strangle-Juanita-but-she-turned-out-ok-our-dogs-sit-up-on-dining-room-chairs-and-our-car-was-mauled-to-pieces-by-a-field-mouse kind of way.
Every group has in-jokes. Laughing together to the exclusion of another is a societal tool really. Chummy cameraderie and a shared history gives you a sense of belonging to something. Not knowing what the joke is leaves you alienated and alone. Maybe the neanderthal who didn't get the latest woolly mammoth story got stomped on? Who knows. But knowing the joke gives you the power to allow another person in. Not to sound all portentious, but knowing the joke equals survival.
In some ways gossip serves the same purpose, but I don't think sharing gossip leaves you with the same feeling of security that laughing at an old joke does. The same secure feeling you got when you were little and lying in bed, listening to the theme song of Dallas, or LA Law or The Golden Girls and heard the quiet hum of your parents talking.
Family In-Joke 1: We were outside playing when that happened
I was about 6, The Sister was about 4, and we really were outside playing when The Parents called us into the sitting room and lined us up. Somebody had carved a little drawing into the polished coffee table. "Girls, who was it?" asks The Father. I shake my head - my drawing was WAY more advanced than that. The Sister said: "We were outside playing when that happened." Guilty party, table for one. So now when you're trying to evade guilt (Who used up the last of the milk/toilet paper/hot water) you were outside playing when that happened.
Family In-Joke 2: You're all right
The Father (God love him, and I do) is a tough man to please. Certain compliments can only be chipped out of him with an ice pick. So when he says: "Ja, you're all right", he means all the mushy stuff The Mother usually says. So now if you want to give a grudging compliment it is proper ellisiquette to just say: "You're all right." As in: "Dad, don't you think Siskey is a clever dog?" Dad:"She's an all right dog."
Family In-Joke 3: Yoghurt position
The yoghurt position is any position you're in that is extra comfortable and you're not moving any time soon. Yoghurt is of course a corruption of yoga. There are a couple of those corruptions. We speak of satsuma wrestlers as well. And flamingos are high ducks.
Family In-Joke 4: "Put down that book!"
Related to In-Joke 3, this is yelled whenever you're taking too long with anything. Been in the loo too long? "Put down that book!" Still getting dressed after an hour? "Put down that book!" Been in the bath for a while? "Put down that book!" Of course, the fact is that more often than not, I have a book to put down. Sue me.
Family In-Joke 5: "Girls, come here!"
This hearkens back to days of yore, when The Sister and I would be deep into one of our games and there would be a call from The Mother to "come here!" She just wants to "tell you something!" And after dragging our heels, and leaving the ruins of our game behind, we'd get there only to be told: "I love you!" Cue much groaning and stomping off. We were ungrateful little brats.
As fabulous as yapping on the phone is, there is such a sense of urgency to get all the vital information across the subtleties of family communication are somewhat lost. Writing allows those subtleties some space again. IM gives me the illusion of being in my parents living room, drinking tea and playing scrabble, falling about into hysterics with The Mother and The Sister while The Father looks on in annoyance trying to get us back into the game.
My family are great laughers/snorters/gigglers. The family in-jokes keep us laughing long after the jokes stopped being funny and bind us together in our own Ellis-oh-Elize-tried-to-strangle-Juanita-but-she-turned-out-ok-our-dogs-sit-up-on-dining-room-chairs-and-our-car-was-mauled-to-pieces-by-a-field-mouse kind of way.
Every group has in-jokes. Laughing together to the exclusion of another is a societal tool really. Chummy cameraderie and a shared history gives you a sense of belonging to something. Not knowing what the joke is leaves you alienated and alone. Maybe the neanderthal who didn't get the latest woolly mammoth story got stomped on? Who knows. But knowing the joke gives you the power to allow another person in. Not to sound all portentious, but knowing the joke equals survival.
In some ways gossip serves the same purpose, but I don't think sharing gossip leaves you with the same feeling of security that laughing at an old joke does. The same secure feeling you got when you were little and lying in bed, listening to the theme song of Dallas, or LA Law or The Golden Girls and heard the quiet hum of your parents talking.
Family In-Joke 1: We were outside playing when that happened
I was about 6, The Sister was about 4, and we really were outside playing when The Parents called us into the sitting room and lined us up. Somebody had carved a little drawing into the polished coffee table. "Girls, who was it?" asks The Father. I shake my head - my drawing was WAY more advanced than that. The Sister said: "We were outside playing when that happened." Guilty party, table for one. So now when you're trying to evade guilt (Who used up the last of the milk/toilet paper/hot water) you were outside playing when that happened.
Family In-Joke 2: You're all right
The Father (God love him, and I do) is a tough man to please. Certain compliments can only be chipped out of him with an ice pick. So when he says: "Ja, you're all right", he means all the mushy stuff The Mother usually says. So now if you want to give a grudging compliment it is proper ellisiquette to just say: "You're all right." As in: "Dad, don't you think Siskey is a clever dog?" Dad:"She's an all right dog."
Family In-Joke 3: Yoghurt position
The yoghurt position is any position you're in that is extra comfortable and you're not moving any time soon. Yoghurt is of course a corruption of yoga. There are a couple of those corruptions. We speak of satsuma wrestlers as well. And flamingos are high ducks.
Family In-Joke 4: "Put down that book!"
Related to In-Joke 3, this is yelled whenever you're taking too long with anything. Been in the loo too long? "Put down that book!" Still getting dressed after an hour? "Put down that book!" Been in the bath for a while? "Put down that book!" Of course, the fact is that more often than not, I have a book to put down. Sue me.
Family In-Joke 5: "Girls, come here!"
This hearkens back to days of yore, when The Sister and I would be deep into one of our games and there would be a call from The Mother to "come here!" She just wants to "tell you something!" And after dragging our heels, and leaving the ruins of our game behind, we'd get there only to be told: "I love you!" Cue much groaning and stomping off. We were ungrateful little brats.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Are you an African?
The Father sent me this:
"Hi. We have a new guy working with us.He is a black Zimbabwean. Father was an Englishman so he speaks English without a Shona or Ndebele accent. Victor, who is Tanzanian and speaks Swahili, does not regard him as an African because he does not speak an African language!! I on the other hand, am African, because I speak an African language, namely Afrikaans!!! Is this crazy, or what?"
Discuss...
"Hi. We have a new guy working with us.He is a black Zimbabwean. Father was an Englishman so he speaks English without a Shona or Ndebele accent. Victor, who is Tanzanian and speaks Swahili, does not regard him as an African because he does not speak an African language!! I on the other hand, am African, because I speak an African language, namely Afrikaans!!! Is this crazy, or what?"
Discuss...
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
White chick
While crossing the taxi rank at Cape Town station this morning, one of the guys yelled: "Hey! Abelungu!"
It's only since my regular forays with Habitat for Humanity that I've discovered that abelungu means "white people" in Xhosa (for your interest, the singular is umlungu), because when you're working gangs of kids follow you around shouting it.
Because I recognised the word and the fact that I was the only umlungu in the vicinity I answered, which I think surprised the yeller. Unlike the word amaBhulu (which is Xhosa for Boer or Afrikaner), abelungu/umlungu has no negative overtones. It's just a catch-all word.
If I went to that same taxi rank and yelled: "Hey! Black people!", would the response be the same? Should I be as offended and annoyed as I am when someone whispers: "Hey, girly" in a queue? I don't find being identified by my race offensive. I find being labelled because of it wrong and aggravating. Does allowing one label let all the other labels in?
It's only since my regular forays with Habitat for Humanity that I've discovered that abelungu means "white people" in Xhosa (for your interest, the singular is umlungu), because when you're working gangs of kids follow you around shouting it.
Because I recognised the word and the fact that I was the only umlungu in the vicinity I answered, which I think surprised the yeller. Unlike the word amaBhulu (which is Xhosa for Boer or Afrikaner), abelungu/umlungu has no negative overtones. It's just a catch-all word.
If I went to that same taxi rank and yelled: "Hey! Black people!", would the response be the same? Should I be as offended and annoyed as I am when someone whispers: "Hey, girly" in a queue? I don't find being identified by my race offensive. I find being labelled because of it wrong and aggravating. Does allowing one label let all the other labels in?
Monday, November 06, 2006
Who(us) Dunnit(us)
I've just discovered the the Falco series by Lindsey Davis. I've been wanting to read about this Ancient Roman Private Eye for ages but haven't been able to find the first book (The Silver Pigs) anywhere. And you all know how much I loathe reading books out of order. But at last I found it, finished it and have embarked on the others.
The gist is that Marcus Didius Falco is an informer in Rome under Emperor Vespasian. He has all manner of cases to solve, which he does with a helping of his truly terrible luck. The books are funny and touching spoofs on the old gum shoe detective books.
I love the patter and the plots, which are complex but absorbing. I especially like the author's lack of coddling. She writes; it's up to the reader to understand.
PATTOTE: Better living through discovering entire new series of books that will take me a few years to complete.
The gist is that Marcus Didius Falco is an informer in Rome under Emperor Vespasian. He has all manner of cases to solve, which he does with a helping of his truly terrible luck. The books are funny and touching spoofs on the old gum shoe detective books.
I love the patter and the plots, which are complex but absorbing. I especially like the author's lack of coddling. She writes; it's up to the reader to understand.
PATTOTE: Better living through discovering entire new series of books that will take me a few years to complete.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
According to the Furher...
Spitting is Love
Swallowing is True Love
Gargling is just showing off.
PATTOTE: Better living through yeugh.
Swallowing is True Love
Gargling is just showing off.
PATTOTE: Better living through yeugh.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Tiny girl in Pink Tutu Astounds
I was walking the little powder puff through the neighbourhood the other day when I heard some high-pitched shrieking. As I passed a nearby gate I saw a little girl wearing a pink tutu pretending to be an opera singer. She was serenading a dog - arms outstretched, standing on her tiptoes. When she saw me, she paused and smiled a bit. As soon as I passed out of sight, she went right back to singing.
Monday, October 16, 2006
It's all in my head.
Allow me a little whinge, please, as migraine weather has arrived and I now have a public forum in which to vent. Those who don't suffer from migraines can smirk: "Oh, it's just a headache," as much as they want. When they've curled up in a fetal position in a dark room, been slowly driven mad by one tiny little crack of moonlight, or thrown up so badly they almost lost an eyeball, then I'll consider their opinion.
I have heard varying reasons for migaines. The most reasonable explanation (according to a neurologist I once visited) is that there is a dip in serotonin levels, causing neuropeptides to dilate blood vessels in the brain, causing the headache. Migraines are characterised by pain on one side of the head. I usually feel nauseated, irritable, sensitive to light and sound, and can't take being touched in any way. I have occasionally had numbness on one side of my body but it's not a regular part of the attacks.
The most difficult part of treating migraines is that...there isn't any real way to treat them. You can try to prevent them, and try to reduce the number you have and their duration. I use Maxalt, which is rizatriptan, with a lot of success. But it only works if you take it as early into the migraine as possible.
Unfortunately the triggers vary hugely. Mine are chocolate, cheese, flashing lights and stress. I've also recently discovered that overprocessed junk food adds to your chances of getting them too.
And of course, I've indulged in all of these delightful things in the past while. And now I'm paying for it badly. I suppose the good thing is that now I can come back to this post and it can be a deterrent.
Until then, I'll clutch my sunglasses and sleep. Whinge over.
I have heard varying reasons for migaines. The most reasonable explanation (according to a neurologist I once visited) is that there is a dip in serotonin levels, causing neuropeptides to dilate blood vessels in the brain, causing the headache. Migraines are characterised by pain on one side of the head. I usually feel nauseated, irritable, sensitive to light and sound, and can't take being touched in any way. I have occasionally had numbness on one side of my body but it's not a regular part of the attacks.
The most difficult part of treating migraines is that...there isn't any real way to treat them. You can try to prevent them, and try to reduce the number you have and their duration. I use Maxalt, which is rizatriptan, with a lot of success. But it only works if you take it as early into the migraine as possible.
Unfortunately the triggers vary hugely. Mine are chocolate, cheese, flashing lights and stress. I've also recently discovered that overprocessed junk food adds to your chances of getting them too.
And of course, I've indulged in all of these delightful things in the past while. And now I'm paying for it badly. I suppose the good thing is that now I can come back to this post and it can be a deterrent.
Until then, I'll clutch my sunglasses and sleep. Whinge over.
What's really destroying the US
These children have no chance of becoming responsible, intelligent adults. Read Bill Maher's insightful and incisive commentary here.
PATTOTE: Better living through politically incorrect US commentators.
PATTOTE: Better living through politically incorrect US commentators.
Cricketing Obits
Peter the Lord's Cat and Other Unexpected Obituaries from Wisden is on my list of must-have books. Wisden's is more than just cricket - it's an institution of wonderful writing and understated English wit. And isn't that just the best title you've ever read?
Friday, October 13, 2006
Spot the errors.
If you can name the two things that are incorrect in this picture, you get a small island come my glorious revolution. But not TOM. TOM is exempt from survival.
PATTOTE: No bad spelling allowed
PATTOTE: No bad spelling allowed
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Gibbs avoids arrest
Herschelle Gibbs finally faced the music in India, where he has been wanted for questioning since the match fixing scandal broke in 2000. He's avoided arrest by helping the Indian authorities, and provided them with the names of 3 former national players who were involved. So now he can help us to victory in the Champion's Trophy. But I want to know who those three additional players were. And whether Gibbs will be spared criminal charges. He was already punished by the UCB, after all.
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