Reality TV will kill you

Or the flu will.

Why can't I have normal problems?

I've been listening to myself breathe, and every couple of inhalations, I'm hearing a distinct whistling sound. I wonder if my co-workers have noticed...

Mean joke that's just mean

Where do you get virgin wool from?

Ugly Sheep!

i can readz bible?

Lolcat are translating The Bible into, um, lolcat spk.

Here's a sample from Genesis.

I loved this.

"3 At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin."

Loo lingo

Anybody else experienced the awkward silence of meeting a colleague in the office bathroom? An awkward silence pregnant with the knowledge of what happens behind closed bathroom doors.

Wotalotigot

I'm eating a box of Smarties and remembering that when I was little I used to divide them up by colour and eat them in order - all the greens, all the oranges, all the browns.

Childhood nostalgia aside, when Shrek came out Smarties ran promotional packs with green gummy sweets. I loved those - the pleasure of discovering a Smartie that was not a Smartie while sitting comfortably in a darkened cinema. I miss those gummies. I still expect them when I bite into a green Smartie - they taste of disappointment now.

Another list of books I'll need to read

Another item from GuardianUnlimited,the Orange Longlist.

Interview with a giant

Guardian Unlimited has an interview with VS Naipaul here. I read A House for Mr Biswas in third year ahve loved Naipaul ever since. He is an enigmatic and arrogant bastard, but what an author!

Ipod Irony

This morning, as I briefly contemplated the observable differences between men and women, my ipod switched over to...The Penis Song, courtesy of Monty Python.

Ipod Irony Part 2

The Ipod died.

Limboland

I wasn't sure if I wanted to blog this, but I thought it would be weirder for those who do know me if I didn't mention it at all. And since I'll be adding some links pertaining to this, it would seem a little out of the blue if I didn't go into at all.

In July last year I woke up with pins and needles in my hands. I blamed my already crocked back and my kicky sister, with whom I had shared a bed the previous night. The pins and needles then spread to my feet and then I went pretty much numb from the thighs up. You know that old trick where you put your index finger against somebody else's finger and rub over both at the same time, the corpse trick? That's what it felt like. The cherry on top was the phantom itch, which nearly drove me up the wall and out of the nearest window.

I dragged myself to a doctor, and then another doctor, and then another doctor, who referred me to a neurologist who sent me for tests. For future reference, MRIs are best survived by pretending you're in an episode of Star Trek. Try not to visualise the apocalypse, or focus on the sudden itch you'll develop on the tip of your nose.

That neurologist sent me to another neuro, and that led to a lumbar puncture and another trip to the MRI (see above for survival information). I got the results on Monday, and the upshot is that I'm officially in limboland. The cause of my woes was transverse myelitis, which caused the de-myelination of an area in my neck (basically the myelin covering that area has degenerated). They assume that this was prompted by a bad case of flu I had when I was in Mozambique last year. It caused my immune systerm to go into hyper mode and it began to attack that area.

A small percentage of these cases go on to develop multiple sclerosis (like 20% in medical terms), which can be confirmed by the presence of oglioclonal bands in the spinal fluid they withdraw during a lumbar puncture. I have those bands, which is why I'm in limboland. If I have another episode, then that confirms I have MS. But that could never happen. It probably won't. I'm sure as hell not waiting around to find out.

In the meantime, I'm grateful that it wasn't as bad as it could have been (a few millimetres higher, and I would have stopped breathing, a few millimetres lower and I would have ended up in a wheelchair). I'm even more grateful that it happened here and not back home. The only lasting damage is lack of feeling in my fingertips, some weakness on my left side and the phantom itch, which is being taken care of by the blue pills, praise be.

But I'm a walking, talking, world-dominating and soon-to-be deified Liz. So it's all good.

PATTOTE: Better living cause I take the blue ones every time